Utinam
by Yoruichi 'Ino
Summary: He had been willing to take those feelings and store them away because he didn’t want to risk what they already had. But it was too much now. He had to say something. SasuIno *Colab with Drunksonic.*


**Drunksonic:** So Yammy is like the greatest blog writer in the world. And I read her blog. And I IM-ed her saying, "This should SO be a fanfiction." And she was like "YEAH!" And at first I didn't want to collab. because I was like, "No, that's going to steal your story." And she forced me to collab. and I got carried away. So I sent her the edited version and then she edited that and then she sent it back and I barely edited and there you have it! It's done! Oh, and the disclaimer...so true.

**Yoruichi 'Ino':** So like yeah, I decided to put Drunkie's A/N first because it's so funny. Aren't you guys happy I forced her to do a colab. I only thought it was fair, because A: she did give me the idea and B: she forced me to help her finish, "Annoyance." Which should be on it's way. Well anyhow, we hope that you enjoy this. We had fun doing this. SO I will now post this before Drunkie like tries to kill me for not uploading it. Haha

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_Utinam is an earnest wish or desire… _

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--Utinam--

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**Disclaimer:** We are both going through boy troubles, okay? If we owned Naruto, we could buy ourselves the perfect boyfriends with all the money we have. lol  
**Summary:** He had been willing to take those feelings and store them away because he didn't want to risk what they already had. But it was too much now. He had to say something. SasuIno

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It's really hard to bring myself to say this, Ino.

There is a pile of crumpled papers beside the desk opposite the bed. The same one where we somehow confessed the feelings that we both thought were long gone. Feelings I thought I could no longer posses came out tonight. Feelings I thought I could hide forever. You were so beautiful; I know this is a mission but I just couldn't help myself. These espionage-partner missions really take a toll on me. Seeing how those bastards have their hands all over you. I wanted to prove I was the only one worthy of doing that to you.

But now…you are completely oblivious to these feelings, fast asleep in the warmth of the night, the thin sheet only up to your mid-thigh. A slender arm is thrown out of the mattress, the moonlight splashing on your creamy, oddly beautiful skin. Your hair is spilled on the pillow, silky blonde strands flowing around you.

The pile of crumpled papers seems out of place. They seem too ugly to be around you: words scrawled in ink inside, words scratched hastily out.

I still don't know what to do about this. It's all so complicated. A part of me is dying to tell you. Because, I guess, some part of me knows that you need to find out somehow. And I'd rather it be from me than from anyone else. A part of me is aching to take at least one meaningful risk in my life. A risk that would and could make my life better. To stop being afraid of the future. To live in the present. And forget the past.

But then there is that other part of me that does worry about the future, the present, and the past. I'm afraid to get hurt again. Because Kami knows just how well I have been hurt; you know that. You of all people know the most; I don't remember opening so much to anyone else but you. That's something else that I can't quite explain how it happened. But I'm glad it did. We somehow became those best friends we were back before the massacre.

If I can somehow, someway bring myself to tell you this, to confess, it can go so many ways. Ideally, you can say you've fallen for me too and we could live happily together for a while. I say a while because I know that it would be difficult for you to live with me, a broken man. I want to be happy for a while, if not forever. Kami knows that forever to people like us isn't very long.

But if I'm with you, it would have to be enough, wouldn't it? At least, I think I know that.

Or we could end up badly, never to speak to each other again. Of course, it would be my fault, and I wouldn't blame you for leaving when you do. You won't even look my way. I'll watch you marry another man; watch another one of my dreams shattered once more. I doubt you would be the one to hurt me, but that's another possibility. It's something, like I said, I doubt, but if it happened, I would deserve it. Kami knows I've already hurt you more than any other person on this Earth. A broken man breaking others. It's a curse I wish I could return.

Then there's the last possible outcome. You─I hate to think of it but it may be the case─can say you don't feel the same and what we had, the friendship we once had, would now be gone forever. The only bond that truly matters to me at the moment. Back when Naruto would try to retrieve me, he would always speak of these ties between us. I never really got it until now. It's something that you just couldn't stand to lose no matter what. But to lose it all, this friendship, this significant bond…

We would be strictly mission partners. Speaking only when it was absolutely necessary. Never to hear you retort at my witty remarks. Never to feel your touch again.

I can't bear to think of it.

But I have to stop being afraid and do this for me. For my sake. For my sanity. Despite the fact that I'll always be mentally and emotionally broken. For what's left of me, the part of me that was able to love again. The part that you somehow were able to awaken.

Because it's you who gets me through the day, through every routine, through every lecture, through every mission. It's you who makes me feel loved without trying, without trying to smother me with affection. The one who makes me laugh, makes me appreciate life, despite the fact that I was once out to murder you forgotten.

I sometimes do not understand how the thought could have ever crossed my mind. At least now I can't imagine it. Back then, I was even more broken then what I am now. Now, all I can do it thank you. Ino Yamanaka, you are the reason I am healing and becoming the kid I once was.

But it gets really hard at times, Ino. There are times where all I want to do is hold you. In the middle of a mission while fighting against ten, twenty people at a time. I want to drop my kunai, hear them clatter on the ground or burrow into the dirt, and slide my arms around your waist and hold you.

I want to kiss the same lips that have insulted me. The ones that stolen my drinks. The ones that have teased me and made witty comebacks as quickly as I did. The ones that have comforted me many times with the words that have escaped them.

The urge comes quite often. I don't know if you have noticed.

I want to sweep you away from this world, Ino. I want to carry you in my arms, to a better place. To a place where we can have peace. A place with waterfalls and birds that sing and bells that ring and all the flowers your heart could possibly desire.

I want to take you away from this world of violence. Somewhere where you can be happy. Where you could never have to worry about getting hurt. I want to shield you from this life, despite the fact that I know you are beyond capable of handling this deadly career. Because happiness is all you deserve and more. I want to see you happy. I want to see that genuine smile, the one that I sometimes barely see. I want to never have to see those blue eyes fill with tears again. I want to spend the rest of my life with you. Only you.

The one who makes my heart leap with joy with one word. The one who tells me what they have never told another. The only one that has made me feel loved. Love I haven't felt for so many years.

I wanted to take these feelings and lock them away. I was willing to throw away the key, but I can't anymore.

But it wouldn't have mattered if I did, as they would not been able to be stored away for so long.

I have to tell you how I feel. I would understand if you threw this on top of the other poorly written letters. I never had a way with words, especially for matters like this. I'm sorry. But some things must be said. Especially when it's people like us, Ino. People who don't know when their last sight of daylight will be. People who don't know when their last breath will take place.

I have realized something else though. The reason I didn't want to say anything is the same reason people hold back on what they want to say. The reason people don't disclose the feelings they have for another: fear of rejection. But if we don't say anything, we'll be stuck with the, "What if?" And truthfully, that is the most horrible feeling to possess, next to love. So that is why I say this now.

Ino, I have fallen for you. I am in love with you; I love my best friend.

All that matters now is that you know.

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Well whatcha waiting for?? Review and tell us what you think. Hehe


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